I haven't had a bike stolen (they must not have had a truck or trailer) but they did snag my helmet (what good is it to them?) they also took off with some tools, CD's, and riffle. I was sick for days, felt violated, faith in humanity near zero.
Torture suggestion: BURNS - burn 1/4th of their body, let them heal a bit, burn a different 1/4th, let them heal, repeat as desired. Be sure to jam matches under their finger and toe nails then light - let heal, repeat as desired. Finally have a doctor stitch up their poop and pee holes, then feed them gatorade and bean burritos until they burst and die.
OK, this may be a little severe. I HATE Thieves!!!!!!!!!